This article is by Jessica Howard- Founder and CEO of Kid’s Night Out Parent’s Night Off in NYC, 2013. Copyright protected. You may contact her knopno@gmail.com for further information or to re-post any part of this article.
Have you ever seen a parent who seems to have what society would call a “good child”, well-mannered, quiet, calm, still? Well there is no such thing as good or bad children only the actions that take place can be bad. Well, the same goes for parents, there are no bad or good parents it all boils down to the choices you make in life. How do you rate yourself? Are you a good or bad parent? Below are the top 5 ways to recognize your parenting flaws and adjust them to make successful and better parenting habits. The key is to practice being in a conscious state as much as possible to notice what you are doing and how to adjust- not to make yourself try to be perfect. Show your children the art of making mistakes and cleaning them up!
1. Making your choices your children’s choices- Many parents decide for their children what likes and dislikes they should have. You love peas so if Jessica does not, your force her to eat them. You wanted to be a cheerleader and could not so you make Shelly become a cheerleader when her actions clearly show she has no interest in it. You will go to college! We tell them, when maybe your child is more of a skilled worker with a great trade at hand. Make a habit of jotting down when you notice yourself make ALL the decisions for your child. This will help you become more conscientious about it and make change. Now we are not speaking about allowing your child to make all decisions, but tuning in to notice their personal likes and dislikes and following through with them.
2. Not Using Positive Discipline- Discipline rears it ugly head for some, but discipline means nothing but guiding and assisting behavior in an age appropriate way. There are many styles and forms of behavior management but many parents leave it out completely for fear of “their child not liking them”, feeling as if their parents were to strict” among so many others. All of these are emotional responses that we allow to cloud our judgment. Children thrive on discipline, structure, and order, and the way you do it is merely your own style, but making sure you have a consistent technique in place is crucial for their success and the foundation you set, showing them how to treat others.
3. Emotional Tolerance- Children need to be given outlets and techniques for handling their emotions. Some adults do not even work on this; make it a habit of doing it for you and your child. Find outlets; engage in activities, cool down sessions, 5 minute breaks all to positively handle emotions. Not doing this could be affecting your child’s behavior and you do not even recognize it. Stay in the moment, in the conscious time as much as possible. Jot down what works for you and your child and show everyone who comes in contact with your child so they can do the same.
4. Screen Time- In today’s society many parents are less creative then many years ago, and because of this many are resorting to an excessive amount of television, and technology time for their children. Technology is apart of these changing times and the children will learn and see enough of the positive benefits in school. Engaging your child productively, doing projects, creating games, listening to music or just having quiet down time is still very beneficial and healthy to their overall mental wellbeing thus allowing them to begin using their brain effectively.
5. Having Fun- Why have we forgotten how to entertain children, you do not need loads of store bought toys, technological assistance and or fancy items. Your child is looking for love, guidance and direction and you were the person chosen to give it to them. You and your child were made for each other and have a special gift together. Work on that gift, master that gift and teach others.
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